Did you ever have those days when...? Thursday was one of those days. It seemed like the harder I tried, the worse things turned out. I felt so unhappy. I was absolutely certain that none of my students liked me OR enjoyed the music we were starting to learn. I felt so disconnected from everything that had once made me happy, especially the music. By the end of the day, I felt this sinking feeling. That old voice saying, "I knew you made a terrible mistake. Why aren't you in med school now like everyone expected you would be? What are you doing here?" With all of the insecurities of replacing a beloved band director in a small town and trying to live up to whatever impossible expectations I set for myself (or assumed other people had for me), I felt like I was losing myself and my love for music. It was one of those days where I went home and cried on my journal. Friday I got the same result of crying on my journal, but for a different reason. I went into school at 6:20 a.m. to play basketball with the faculty and blow off some steam. I worked with a jazz combo that we started just a few weeks ago, and I went to the elementary school for 5th grade lessons. Life is much simpler in 5th grade! I went back to the high school to introduce the "Chaconne" from Holst's First Suite in Eb to the band for the first time. The woodwinds fingers froze during the 16th notes, the trumpets played "loud" and "louder," the low brass drooled over the idea of playing eighth notes at a forte, the bass drum player was afraid to whack the drum at the end, and the last chord sounded... just a bit out of tune! It was hilarious, and a lot of fun. I went back to the 5th grade scene for a few more hours, and when I returned to the high school I found a vase of flowers on my desk with a note attached. All it said was "We belive in you." The poor spelling was a dead give-away. Even as an ignorant first year teacher, I realized that not every band has a student (or a small group of students) who would do something like that for a teacher. I couldn't believe it! So now I am at home, reconsidering my "terrible mistake" of becoming a music teacher. And so goes the rollercoaster of year one as a band director in a small town...